A spare moment . . . for a spared word

As always since I'm ADD and cant do just one thing at a time, some music for your listening pleasure. . . . . .



Sooooo, I'm back down in Vegas, doin the school thing, with Helena *kitty* and Winston Sheffield *pup* Nothin I love more than this City . . . . Anything ya want 24/7, But I've also started attending the Singles Ward here in Henderson . . . going to Family Home Evening, go figure a bunch of singles getting together for FHE eh?, and I have been having a ball, They are some amazing and very supportive people! I really love the mentality of Las Vegas Mormons, being the "City of Sin" you'd think the mormon community would be smaller? Nope, and the mormons to be more "corrupt" NOPE! Actually these people are some of the best mormons I've known although in a small town like Hurricane it seemed people only went to church to keep up their "status" which seems stupid . . . . if your gonna go . . . go for your own reasons not to save face, but that's just me . . . I still have ALOT to work on but I'm living a blessed life so far and have realized in recent months that my life has been very blessed with people and support even though it wasn't in the obvious areas. . . . like home. . . but God has always sent someone to help me and to be with me and help me through rough patches . . . even though I refused it. . . . . as I went through letters I've kept since I'm a pack rat . . . and I've found a person who I know always had faith in me and always thought about me and my well being and when I refused to go to church and even started a big 'beef' with her she still wrote me letters, post cards, etc to let me know she was thinking of me and what potential I had . . . its so hard to see it when its right in your face. . . . takes time and patience . . . and I cant believe I acted the way I did from 10th grade til about when I started school, July of '08, Maybe its because I didn't see much potential in my own future and was angry that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my future, I'm not sure and its no excuse . . . but its interesting how the universe turns around isn't it? . . . In the past year I've found 2 of the most prominent people in my life who I lost contact with for WAY to long, Tom of course which is a life time friend and have missed in passed years, and Mrs. Kris and her family the one family I didn't want to leave in California and resented my mom for taking me away from, Amazing how time has changed me and though it had been 12ish years since I spoke to Kris or Tery I was so amazed that they both remembered me. I find it quite funny that when parents aren't available God sends someone to be there for you even though it means putting more onto those that he sends, Mrs Kris had a son, Eddie, but still always found time for me, to talk hangout and to let me stay when my mom was off in utah finding a home for us to move to, after we moved within the week he sent another family to me, The Lindhardt's, A blessing of friendship from each of them it has been, and their mother who was ALWAYS there no matter the cost emotionally or financially, My family would have had such sad Christmas's if it weren't for there generosity, but Gina always made sure I was apart of whatever was going on, I was very hesitant when she wanted me to go to Girls Camp a year early and it didn't get much better when my mom told me to have a good time and she loved me, that she wasn't sure she would be there when I got back, I understand now that depression causes suicidal thoughts and wants but to a kid of that age . . . I thought she was serious, every year the same thing . . . every year I cried myself to sleep at girls camp hoping she would be there when I got home and Gina letting me yell and scream and vent my frustrations of how my mom could think such thoughts and what she would leave behind if she ever did . . . She never complained ever. . . .even when I woke her up at 7 in the morning to see if anyone was up to play. . . . I never slept after my mom left for work, I was such a handful . . . chaotic and she still dealt with me, Then The Phelps's a WONDERFUL family . . . who has never givin up on me even when I had givin up on myself . . . and who have been there for many years but mostly recently to my small brain being so supportive of my harsh feelings toward God for taking such a wonderful and supportive and loving mother and friend from this scary world and harsh feelings toward others for letting it off so easy . . . and always reminding me that would be proud of me and wouldn't want me to be angry on her account, something I've needed, I tend to hold grudges very easily it seems its easier to hate than to love and forgive . . . and definitely something I've learned the very hardest way and something I'm still working on. . . but I wouldn't have realized it and been able to deal with it without Sister Phelps, that is for sure, from being a mother figure at Young Womens to the small talks we have she has ALWAYS been such an uplift and a joy to see and talk to . . . and always seems to know what I am in need of hearing. . . . . and it is so wonderful to be able to talk with her about the smallest to the biggest thing going on because I know it is an unjaded opinion as was Sister Lindhardt, and most recently Sister Madison, who like I said earlier sent me letters and always believed in me and my abilities even when I didn't, 4 awesome ladies who are such an inspiration in my life and their families who support them, and have been a blessing in my life as well. . . . it seems in my immersion into church has made me recognize that even though my life has been rough he has always watched out for me and sent me people to support me, which makes my faith unshaken as of recently, A year ago I wanted nothing to do with the church because I thought it failed me in every sense because of rumors that the bishop's counselor started about my best friend and I being lesbians and that we would "contaminate" others, there went my grudge I held against the church again . . . and it took me a while but I'm finally over it, forgiving it is still a ways away but I'm working on it, I think I've come to terms that I was a picked on kid in school, never really fit in . . . but that's why outside of school I had those who were willing to accept me and help me. . . but I've come to the point in my life where . . . even though life was rough I still want some of those who were rude to me to be my friends. . . I know some of them wont. . . or don't want to . . . or haven't matured enough to hey its taken me this long. . . but I don't want to become someone who hates the world for what has happened in the past, its hard to just let go of some of the things said or done. . . who knows if it will ever be okay in my mind but I want to build friendships with those who I haven't before. . . . Hey if I can go to a concert and make 4 friendships with people I don't know then why cant I with people I do know? Here is to a bright future and a happy existence! We cant live full of hatred, it only effects us . . . .
To you Gina, I love and miss you being here . . but am thankful for your everlasting memory and your constant support from beyond this world to the next!
And to all those who I've hesitated friendship please message me . . . even if we've fought in the past lets be friends. . .
and if you have the time a last video for you, the lyrics are amazing and are so true!